A Quest of Heart
That moment when you realize things have changed, but are still so much the same. I don’t know where I should be right now. I feel like, I want the same things, but in different ways. I want to be happy, but the things that made me happy don’t really anymore. Maybe my heart’s growing colder, or maybe it just beats to a different rhythm. I miss people for all the wrong reasons, but I thinks that’s better than not missing them at all. Old friends, Past acquaintances, lost loves, its all the same. I used to lay in bed and late at night and wonder if anyone was thinking about me too. That warmness I feel whenever you’re around, the way you light up my face, you were the flame that drew me. I wondered if I sparked anyone’s heart the way you spark mine. If you would ever be consumed by me the way I was consumed by you. What am I to you? You’re friend, you’re girl,you’re lover, you’re entertainment? What do you want from me? Time is all I have to give, and sometimes I’m even stingy with that. Its all I have left. Love is evading me slowly. Nimbly it seeps out of this weary heart of mine. Yes, a heart, though it is weary. I still have one contrary to many’s believes. Its not what it used to be and it scares me. I used to be so open, so loving, so naive. And then , it ended. The way stars blaze brightly then explodes into the darkness. I’m so emotional, and unemotional at the same time. Well at different times. I’m tired of being forgotten by people. I’m tired of not being memorable enough to get a text,phone call, anything. Yet you’re my best friend, or love, or whatever else. You don’t have the decency or common courtesy to let me know I’m relevant to your life? Fuck you and the fucked up horse you rode in on. And bitch ass dudes with bitch ass approaches to being in my life can get bent alright. I don’t have time for games and bullshit. You want to say something, you want me, you want a Fucking sandwich, anything, just man the fuck up and say it.
I know I’m just talking out my head but that’s okay. I’m purging for my own benefit not any of yours. I’m so scared that I am heartless.One of My biggest fears is hurting those that love me, and that I love most. Yet time and time again here I am. The list goes on and on. I know hurting people is inevitable but should it be so much? I don’t want to hurt him, I refuse. I’m not trying to and don’t plan to, but then again I never do. I just want to be happy. I want to be knocked on my ass. “Make me want you,make me miss you, make me wonder where you are?”“Remind me just who we are, we’re oh so close and yet so far.. I want you to make me never want to let you go. Be there for me when I need you, because I will need you. “Make me feel not so alone, even when your miles away. I just want to be in love, it doesn’t have to be a fairytale, but a happy ending would be nice for once. Please,Please,Please Let Me Get What I Want This Time..